the
light
seen through
thick and thin
darkens, a wave comes in
the form of a bird
call, then abrupt
silence, which is equal to
dark and also its
opposite, attempt to be
too many things at once, long
tailfeathers quickly gliding and
gone over the roof into trees —
echo of light, dark quiet.
Just sit here and wait. Field glasses
too narrow to take it all in. Flutter
of wings, wind, mind, drop
what you’re doing and listen.
Thickness upon thickness, dream
upon dream. Over, out.
It will come back. It will
come back.
Match strike. Sharp
intake of
breath. Almost
there.
Through the
light,
seen.
Read Andrew’s Fibonacci poem here (while it lasts) (scroll down to “Fibonacci’s Dawn”)
me likes. very much.
I like the precision very much, David. I wonder (as I often do — I’m a fairly simple guy) about how the lines carry energy, and if you read for the lines or ignore them when reciting the poem. I would spend hours awake at night if I left a preposition dangling.
well in this case the breaks were wholly dictacted by the form, although they turned out mostly in places i might’ve chosen anyway. i just like that slight hesitation and hiccup in rhythm and would hope that the suspense of not knowing what the object of the “of” or “the” carries one’s interest to the next line. and i would read the break w/ more or less slight of a pause depending on where and how it falls.
why not just drop such words?
you mean like “of” and “the”? i can really see only one, possibly two instances where that’s possible without changing the meaning and/or losing the sense of the phrase. e.g. “sharp intake/breath” doesn’t sound right to me. also i like foregrounding those words to some extent. didn’t stein say something about preps and articles being almost primary to the language? also i like presenting that sense of hesitation one often feels before choosing the right object. but this is all after the fact.
yes, i agree. Just wondering about your personal poetics. I’ve been influenced a lot by Ginsberg’s notion of finding through the at times violent juxtaposition of image and / or idea that a new concept / sense / reality springs forth. From where? Maybe from language itself.
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